Wasted Moments
by 123writer
Summary: There are moments in life we all take for granted. Some times it's in the smallest of these moments we look back and see our greatest regrets. Missed opportunities and words unsaid are often left as painful reminders of what could have been.
1. Chapter 1

**Wasted Moments**

**A/N:**

**Not going to be one of my annoyingly cheery A/N's here folks. **

**There are moments in life we all take for granted. Some times it's in the smallest of these moments we look back and see our greatest regrets. Missed opportunities and words unsaid are often left as painful reminders of what could have been.**

**This story was not actually written with the intention of posting. It is very dark compared to my other stories. I've tried to lighten it up as much as possible stilling keeping the tone and integrity of it intact. The composition of it may come off as a little strange. It was written to be exactly what the title suggests, wasted moments. The chapters are each very very short. Each is its own individual moment in time. There are no scene switches, each chapter will finish in the exact same place it started. It's basically, for lack of a better description, being dropped in to see a brief moment in time and then being pulled right back out only to be dropped back in again at another small moment. This is not like Making Acquaintances where each chapter is it's own story. These moments will all follow in a time line (It does start in a flash back though sorry) and actually tell one cohesive story just in a less traditional method. **

**I'm not going to do A/N's on these chapters past this one. Love them or hate them, I usually get a lot of responses to my A/N's but, given the personal aspect to this story for me I will not be commenting on it as it progresses. The story as a whole is already completed and I will post how ever often I have time to. I'm starting work again later this week and ironically, that gives me a lot of free time to write/post. So, we'll see.**

**There's a graphic content warning in this one at various points. I'm not going to ear mark each chapter. I'm just going to put it out here now in the beginning because I always thought it was strange to think some one would skip a chapter of a story they've been reading because of a random warning. You either read it or you don't. That's not being mean, I just don't think anybody actually skips. So, if cursing bothers you, there's cursing in everything I write so you probably already aren't reading my shit. Oops. Like I said this is a dark one and some of my other stories get pretty damn dark already so proceed with caution it's a lot more graphic than my other stories. If bloody things bother you, thanks for looking but, you're probably just going to want to move along. I'm really not joking, it get's pretty damn bad and if you follow Change or you read my April fools joke you already know I've written suicides, murders, cutting, shootings, and I will randomly blow things up and I am warning you this is worse. That's part of the reason it's written the way it is to tone down some of the graphic content later in the story. **

**I should note that the very very first chapter of this is incredibly short. The other chapters are a good bit longer than this one. It's almost just a teaser. **

Chapter One: Wishing to Begin Again

Captain Nathan Bridger looked solemnly at the small group gathered in the cemetery. He was filled with a sudden since of pride as he realized his crew made up the majority of the crowd. He looked upon the tears of the normally staunch military officers and couldn't help but think about how they had all become a family. He fought back his own tears as he stood up and approached the black casket before him. He couldn't bring himself to look up at the picture towards the head of the coffin. The familiar smile of the blonde headed teenager sitting between his parents in the picture haunted him. He sighed as he placed a hand down on the casket and spoke.

"There was so much I should have said, kiddo."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: That First Moment **

Nathan Bridger shook his head as he watched the Seaquest's resident teenage genius collide with Security Chief Manilow Crocker and he hurriedly made his way off of the bridge. He thought momentarily about telling the boy to slow down but, he couldn't ever remember him being so excited about hearing from his father.

"When did we install a race track?" Crocker scoffed approaching his old friend, "You know he's going to hurt somebody one of these days running around here like that.

What's he so excited about?"

"A family vacation apparently," Nathan sighed as he caught his old friend's puzzled expression. "What?"

"Well, forgive me for saying it, cap but, I never really thought the Wolenczaks liked Lucas. I mean what kind of parents just get a divorce and then drop their kid off with a bunch of strangers and -"

"I know, Chief, I know but, apparently his parents have reconciled and his father wants them to take a vacation together."

"Well, I wish my boys got that excited when I offer to spend time with them." Crocker scoffed, "They act like I'm gonna send them to the firing squad when I suggest they spend some time with their old man."

"Well, I suspect, Lucas is more excited about the attention than the trip." Nathan sighed. "I just hope this isn't some kind of publicity stunt for the World Power Project."

Crocker hesitated before nodding in agreement, "Maybe you should talk to him. Lucas I mean. You don't want him taking the fall for their media blitz, and judging by the way he ran out of here, if you're right that's going to be one hell of a fall."

Nathan stared vacantly at the empty corridor where the teen had just been. "I can't. It's just not my place."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter3: Momentary Doubt

"So, what's the old man have on tap for the big trip?" Lt. Benjamin Krieg smirked as he watched his teenage counter part stuff seemingly random belongings in to a large duffle bag.

"I'm not sure." The teen shrugged, "He just said it's a surprise."

"Well, surprises are always fun." Ben smiled as he picked up a rouge sneaker that had fallen once more from the duffle. "But, I have to admit. I'm kinda surprised about how you're taking all this? I mean usually you'd rather have a tooth pulled than spend time with your dad."

"Not really, Ben." The teen sighed sounding slightly dejected as he continued, " More like the other way around. Unless it's to parade me around for something, he usually doesn't want to spend time with me."

The truth in the teenager's words left Krieg feeling a slight tightness in his chest. He knew the teen better than anyone and genius or not, Lucas was just like every other teenage boy. He still wanted his father's approval. Before the older man could think of a response the Lucas chose to break the silence.

"Besides, it'll be nice to hang around with someone, anyone that's actually my age," the teen smirked, " instead of always hanging around someone who just acts like they are. Besides I know you really didn't want to take me to the science symposium anyway. "

"I'm hurt! I was actually looking forward to it." Ben mocked ruffling the teen's blonde mop as he zipped up his bag. "Alright well, I guess I better be going if I ever want to get off this tug too. I have some reports to finish. Before you leave what's say you and me hit up the mess alright?"

"Not sure I'll have time but, I'll let you know. I have some stuff to finish up in the lab." The teen offered apologetically, "I'll try."

"Alright, well," Krieg hesitated slightly before pulling out a small slip of paper from the front pocket of his uniform, "I, uh, I'm still going to be staying at a hotel near the symposium. If things don't workout with your dad or if you need anything, give me a call okay?"

The rolling of bright blue eyes told the lieutenant he had crossed some unseen line. "He's going to remember to pick me up this time, Ben."

"I know, I know, I never said he wasn't" The older man showed his palms defensively, "I'm just saying if you need anything at all, give me a call."

"Yeah, alright." the blonde quickly pocketed the paper and headed towards the door but, was suddenly stopped as he felt a tug on his arm.

"And for what it was worth, I would of been happy to go to the science hoopla with you."

"Yeah right." Lucas shook his head and gave a crooked smile before heading out of the door.

As the door shut, Krieg sighed as he noticed the floating figure in the aqua tubes.

"I don't know about you fish face but, I have a bad feeling about this."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Checking it twice

"Your tooth brush?"

"Yup."

"Tooth paste?"

"Yup."

"Cell phone?"

"Yup."

"One eyed, three horned, flying purple people eater?"

"Yup...wait what?"

"Lucas! You haven't been listening to a word I've said have you?" Dr. Kristin Westphalen smiled as she shook her head watching the teen trying to package away his workstation to bring along a few projects. She knew the young man's thoughts were a million miles away but, she couldn't help needing to make sure he was brining along everything he would need.

"Um, well...sorry doc."

"It's fine sweetheart. I just wanted to make sure you didn't forget anything. What time are you leaving?"

"1600" Lucas said looking down at his watch, "I guess I better get this stuff together and–"

"Lucas, why don't you leave it. Dr. Levin and I can look after the experiments and anything you haven't finished will still be here when you get back. It's not like you're going away forever you know, it's just two weeks." Kristin was surprised to see a flash of almost a sad look in the teen's blue eyes, "Lucas? Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just, uh well, you see, " the teen chewed his bottom lip as he looked down before continuing, " It's just that well, IF, they are actually getting back together... I'm just not sure what they're going to want to do about... "

"About what?"

"Well, about me." Lucas let out a breath, "My dad told me a lot of things are going to be changing and we have a lot to talk about, I'm pretty sure SeaQuest won't fit in with his new image of being the perfect family man."

"Well, what did Nathan say about it?"

"I haven't told him anything. I'm not really sure it matters, I mean I don't know what my dad actually wants and.." Kristin watched the young man struggle to complete his sentence, " Well, it's not like the captain couldn't use a break from me."

"Did he say that to you?"

"No, but–"

"Lucas, I don't know what it is that you think you do here but, you are a–" Kristin was interrupted by a voice coming from the doorway.

"Sorry, Doc!" Miguel Ortiz called into the room as he assisted a wounded Lt. Tim O'neill in to medbay, "Tim slipped in the gym."

"He what?" Doctor Westphalen headed towards the pair briefly before quickly turning back towards Lucas, "We will finish this conversation before you leave hmm?"

"Sure, Doc."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Deadly Indifference

Nathan Bridger sighed. The vid link conversation between himself and Dr. Wolenczak had a hushed buzz over the bridge. The idea that Lucas' father intended to talk him in to leaving the SeaQuest weighed heavily on the room.

"Oh come on Captain!" Lt. Benjamin Krieg cleared his throat suddenly realizing that all eyes on the bridge were now aimed in his direction. He quickly calmed himself before continuing, "You can't honestly think this is good idea, sir. Last time we had leave Dr. Wolenczak forgot to pick him up and now he's father of the damn year? And he want's to talk Lucas in to leaving the SeaQuest? I'm not buying it. You can't honestly tell me you're going to just let him go when even you think this is just some damn publicity stunt. You don't even know when he's going to be back! If you won't talk to Lucas–"

Captain Bridger put a hand up silencing the dark haired man, "Dr. Wolenczak is his father Ben, and your and for that matter my opinions on the man don't matter and there's no reason to think that Lucas won't be back at the end of the two weeks. Dr. Wolenczak said it would be his choice but, There's nothing I can do and talking to Lucas would only hurt him when we're just basing everything on speculation. Yes, I agree the entire scenario is a little too good to be true but, what exactly do you expect me to tell that boy. That I don't think his father wants to see him for purely loving reasons? That everybody just wants him around because of what they can get from him? That's not something I'm willing to–"

"Captain?" Commander Jonathon Ford broke though the argument, "Permission to speak freely?"

"Of course, Jonathon, although I must say this isn't something I'd expect you to have an opinion on." Nathan said shaking his head.

"I know sir, that's why I thought I should say something." the dark skinned man sighed, " You know how I felt about Lucas being on the SeaQuest when he first arrived correct?"

"Well, of course I think everyone knows how you feel about Lucas."

"Felt, sir." Ford corrected, "In the last nine months my... feelings.. On the matter have changed. Lucas is part of this crew. He does more work on the bridge than anyone else in the science staff and well, sir, if I'm honest I like having him around."

"Well, that certainly is nice to know commander but, your point would be what exactly?"

"My point is, sir, and what I think Ben's trying to say is, is that if you know Dr. Wolenczak is going to tell Lucas he wants him to leave the Seaquest, why leave that as the only standing option? Why not talk to him? Tell him we want him around. Make sure he knows he really does have a choice."

"You may have a point there, Jonathon." Nathan sighed, "But, I'm not sure it's the right way to look at this. Lucas is a young man he needs his family. I wouldn't want to come between father and son."

"He needs a family, sir." Commander Ford interjected, "And I don't know about you sir but, conventional or not, I think we're a pretty damn good one. Lucas has grown here. I'd even say thrived. This is more his home than his parent's house ever was. Even I can see that."

Nathan let out a breath, "I'll think about it."

Benjamin Krieg hung his head as he watched the captain leave the bridge, "What's there to think about?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: No time like the present

Captain Nathan Bridger let out a breath as he watched the small group from his crew preparing to go on a two week leave. The group was mostly made up of Science staffers who were going to a symposium in Miami and a few members of his bridge crew who were taking time off to visit family. He chuckled to himself as he watched Miguel Ortiz trying in vain to convince Communication's Officer Tim O'neill to agree to a date with his sister during their visit. Another animated conversation going on in the back ground caught his attention as he watched Lt. Benjamin Krieg trying to convince Lucas that he was actually going to attend the science symposium.

"You know Nathan, if you have something to say you could take the grown up approach and just go over there and talk to him." Dr. Westphalen smiled as she watched the older man jump slightly surprised.

"How long have you been standing there? Bridger turned to face the doctor slightly embarrassed that he had been found out.

"Oh, just long enough to know that you're not really crazy about this whole thing." Kristin admonished lightly as she folded her arms and leant against the railing next to him. "You could just go over there and tell him you know?"

"Tell him what?" Nathan scoffed, " That I don't want him to spend time with his father? That I think his parents should fully sort out whether or not their new found reconciliation will actually work before they drag him along for some grandiose public announcement?"

"No," Kristin said cautiously placing her hand on the captain's chest, "But you could tell him how much you want him to return. You could tell him how important he is to this crew, how important he is to you. I don't think it would hurt anything for him to know that."

"I don't want to come between Lucas and his father." Nathan sighed, "When Robert was about Lucas' age. I was gone more than I was home. Carol called me one night to tell me that Robert had decided after school he was going to take a year off from school and see the world. He'd gotten the idea from an old neighbor of ours that had been helping him fix up a car. I was so angry, that someone had been putting what I thought we crazy ideas in my son's head that I called up my neighbor and told him he was never to speak to Robert again. Not that my choices for him were any better, he just followed me in to the Navy and ...Well, I don't want to be the one to come between father and son. I hardly have any type of relationship with Dr. Wolenczak I certainly don't want him pulling Lucas off of the Seaquest because he feels that I'm a bad influence."

"Nathan I'm sure, what ever choice Lucas' makes his father will accept." Kristin said firmly, "You just have to make sure he knows there's a choice here. Go.. Talk to him, please."

"Alright, alright." the captain let out a breath before waving over at the teen just as the shuttle docked, "Lucas! I'd like to have a word with you please."

The teen nodded and dropped his large duffle to the ground before making his way through the small crowd. The doors to the airlock opened just as Bridger put an arm around the young man.

"Kiddo you know that–"

"Lucas?"

The pair turned to see a short slightly stocky man with wavy brown hair stepping though the airlock. Bridger looked puzzled for a moment at the familiar but very much out of place man when he heard the teen speak.

"Dad! What are you doing here?"

Dr. Lawrence Wolenczak offered his hand to Captain Bridger before hugging his son. "Well, there was a change in plans. There's going to be a press conference at the World Power Plant in the morning so, We're going to have to detour there for the night." catching the doubtful looks on both his son and the captain's faces he continued, "I promise, its just the one night. We leave for vacation tomorrow night. You're mom's already at the plant waiting for us. I just thought it would be a nice gesture if I came to pick you up in person."

"Seeing as you forgot to show up last time." The voice of Benjamin Krieg came from behind the group, "So, nice to see you doctor."

Ignoring the intent of the slide Dr. Wolenczak smiled and put an arm around his son, "That won't be happening anymore. I have a great deal more help now at the plant which will afford me to spend time with my family. Lt. Krieg is it? I've heard a lot of good things about you from my son."

"Yes, it is, too bad I can't say the same." Krieg caught the warning glare from the captain and turned his attention away from the doctor, "So, kid whattya say we go find some seats in that shuttle. You need to explain all this science stuff to me so I can maybe pick up a nerd-chick."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: My phone's always on.

Lt. Benjamin Krieg pinched his forehead as he listened to the speaker continue.

"At least if the kid was here this would be tolerable." Ben muttered to himself as he leaned back in his seat. The sudden buzzing of his phone caught his attention, "Speak of the devil, wonder who that could be?" The dark haired man's expression went from excited to a little puzzled as he realized the unexpected call was not from his teenage counter part but, another member of the Seaquest's crew.

"Hey, Migs! What you got?... Alright, sure... I'll meet you guys there tonight... Okay, see you then." Just as the lieutenant began to put away his phone it buzzed once more. The familiar face lighting up the screen made Ben feel both a sense of relief and a slight tinge of pain as he wondered what the reason for the call was. He sighed as he answered.

"How goes it Lucasman?... Oh, um... Well kid, I mean everybody has their issues, maybe it's not a big deal... Lucas?... Come on kid, it's not that bad. ... You know you could always just come back to the Seaquest... Of course... Why would you think you couldn't?...Did you ask Bridger? ... Give the man some credit, give him a call... Hey you want me to cheer you up, I could put the phone on speaker and you can listen to the greater points of Se-fo-low-pod mating. It's almost interesting... Yes! I told you I was coming to the symposium... Hey they even have a couple of fishface's kin in a tank...Tell you what, how about you ditch the squawking parents and I'll go pick you up in the morning, after the press conference so no one gets offended and you can come and explain all this shit to me... Sure, we'll get some pizza, go to the beach, you can learn and I'll look at women, It'll be a grand ol time... Alright... but you can only look at girls... no women... Alright... Sure... Okay, I'll see you then... Hey, I'm meeting Timmy and Migs tonight maybe I can convince them to join in... Alright I'll see you tomorrow morning... Chin up kid it's just one more night."

Lt. Benjamin Krieg quickly pocketed his phone, "Well, that's a relief."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Missed Calls

Captain Nathan Bridger looked annoyed as he tapped the corner of his vidlink. "Blasted thing," He sighed as he noticed the floating dolphin in the aqua tubes. He smiled as he picked up the bright yellow vocorder.

"Hello my friend."

"Bridger sad?"

"No, I'm not sad I'm frustrated." Nathan sighed knowing his old friend would see through any attempts at telling he was fine, "I missed a phone call from Lucas."

"Bring Lucas back. No need phone."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, my friend. In fact, until Mr. O'neil come and takes a look at this blasted thing, I can't even call Lucas back."

"You're welcome to use the link in my office," a familiar British accent came from the doorway.

"You're getting very good at sneaking up on me aren't you."

"Well, it's hardly sneaking when you leave your door open." Kristin countered, "Did you say Lucas called you?"

"Yes but, I was on the bridge and had Tim transfer the call to my quarters but, the blasted thing is broken and I've lost the call."

"That's strange."

"No not really, it actually breaks every few weeks its kind of–"

"No, not that." Kristin interrupted. "He just called me as well but, I was in the middle of stitching up Shan. I told him I didn't have time for him. I hope nothing's wrong."

"I'm sure it's nothing." Nathan said placing an arm around Kristin and guiding her out of the doorway, "But just incase it is something, maybe we should call him back right now."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Lost connections.

"I knew this trip was a bad idea." Nathan Bridger sighed as he cut the link having been given the run around by Dr. Wolenczak's secretary as to why he couldn't speak to Lucas, "Something's going on."

"Nathan, she said they're having quality time this evening and asked not to be disturbed. Maybe that's what Lucas was calling to tell us that he wouldn't call until tomorrow, I'm sure everything's fine." Kristin smiled warmly trying to cover the fact that she didn't believe her own words.

"You don't believe that anymore than I do." Nathan scoffed as he stood up from behind her desk. "I should of said something before he left. I should of just taken the damn call on the bridge."

"You know Nathan, I think that maybe we're all over reacting about all of this." Kristin offered, " We have no reason to believe that there's anything actually wrong with Lucas. He's probably just fine over there playing video games just like he would be in his free time over here." She leaned closer wrapping her arm around the man's waist, "I know you want to protect him and so do I but, in all honestly Nathan, you know as well as I do he's safer in a power plant in the middle of the ocean with his parents than he is floating around on a military vessel. He probably just called to say hello and if it really bothers you maybe check with Lt. Krieg, I'm sure Lucas probably called him first and I seriously doubt he didn't take the boys call in favor of a scientific lecture."

Nathan was about to respond when the chirp of his PAL unit interrupted the conversation

"Captain." The voice of Commander Ford cut through.

"Yes, Jonathon, what is it?"

"Admiral Noyce for you sir. He says it's very important that he speak with you immediately."

"Fine, I'm in Dr. Westphalen's office send it through."

"I can't sir. It's a level one security clearance you're going to have to take it in the wardroom, sir."

"Very well then, any idea what this is about?"

"No sir but, the admiral is requesting that we being heading for the coordinates of the World Power Plant immediately."

"I see." Nathan pushed aside the sudden feeling of his stomach turning. "I'll be right there."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Arrested Development

"And you're positive, Bill?"

"I'm afraid so, Nathan. He's been laundering money for years." Admiral Bill Noyce sighed, "We're not even sure the power plant is going to be salvageable with all of the money he's stolen from the project."

"So why send the Seaquest? Forgive me but, Bill this isn't normally in our job description."

"Lucas." the older man sighed as he ran a hand across his forehead, " I thought maybe it would be slightly easier on the boy if ... well... Nathan, I didn't want to just send people rushing in there with guns blazing and have anything happen to the boy. You know the UEO has a soft spot for him."

"Yes, because they need him." Bridger snapped, " Bill how do you expect me to explain this to him? You've been investigating the man long enough! Couldn't you have done this when Lucas wasn't there."

"The fact that he is there is why we're going now." Noyce retorted. "We thought he may have been tipped off, the fact that he's pulling his family together proved it. He's probably going to try to run after the new conference in the morning."

"Disguised as a family vacation." Nathan said disgust evident in his voice. "He told Lucas they were flying out tomorrow afternoon."

"That's exactly it Nathan we can't find flight reservations anywhere. He's going to go off the grid."

"And take Lucas with him." Nathan gave a quick nod before cutting the link and picking up his PAL, "Jonathon?"

"Yes, sir?"

"What's our ETA?"

"3 hours, sir. We're running at 70%"

"That's not good enough, all ahead full."

"Aye aye, sir."

"Have Dr. Westphalen and Crocker meet me in the wardroom and try getting in touch with Lt. Krieg, I want him back on this ship ASAP."

"Aye, aye sir, Is everything alright, captain?"

"It will be once we get there, commander."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Burning Water

Miguel Ortiz made his way up to the crowded bar to take a place next to Lt. Ben Krieg who was already enthraled in a football game.

"Who's wining?"

"The Vols." Ben replied taking a sip from his beer, "Hey Batman, where's Robin?"

"What?" The Cuban smirked.

"Where's Timmy?"

"Oh, he had to go back to the boat. The comms station freaked out and now some of the vidlinks don't work. Specifically, Captain Bridgers. He was just there for a quick fix but they got called out for something."

"Anything big?" Ben asked as he signal the bartender for another round.

"I haven't heard anything but, like I said comms are down." The Cuban shrugged as he picked up his drink, "So what's the score?"

"27-3, so far tonight my bet on this game is the only way I'm getting screwed." Ben shook his head as he looked up to see the Vols score again. "Come on! Can't you idiots block!"

Miguel laughed as he listened to the announcer's mark the end of the game.

... and that will close out this game ladies and gentlemen...

Suddenly the screen changed as a breaking news story over took the screen.

"Hey Ben, isn't that..." Miguel's eyes grew wide at the familiar face on the screen as he gestured to the Bartender to turn up the television set.

...We will be bringing you more information as soon as it becomes available to us. Once again just a recap for you. This is Sheba Fish coming to you live from the steps of Wolenczak Enterprises the Head Quarters of the famed World Power Project. Moments ago reports began flooding in about an explosion at the under see power plant. The exact source of the explosion still remains unknown at this time along with the status of approximately 100 employees currently listed as residing at the plant. This has been said to include Dr. Wolenczak and his family including his wife and 16 year old son. Rescue attempts in the area so far have yet to produce any survivors...

"Ben?... I ... uh.."

"Come on we gotta go."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Lost Cause

"Captain, We've hooked that last of the escape pods and are guiding it to the rescue units on the surface." Commander Jonathon Ford's voice cut through his captain's thoughts. "Lt. Krieg and Ortiz are also requesting permission to enter the docking bay."

"Granted," Nathan sighed," Any word about the survivors?"

Lt. O'neill pushed aside his head set as he answered the dreaded question, "Sir, all of the reports we're getting..." Tim paused to clear his throat not wanting to really continue, "All of the reports we're getting from survivors say that Dr. Wolenczak staged a fire drill and had everyone gather in escape pods. Once everyone was inside the pods were deployed from the outside. Presumably by the Doctor himself. All reports state his family members were not among those gathered during the drill. In fact no one had seen Cynthia Wolenczak since two days ago when she first arrived and no one has seen Lucas since about an hour after he arrived. Which, by my estimation, is shortly after he called here."

"Tell them to be sure to check all of the pods and count, make sure we have them all." Nathan nodded before turning towards Commander Ford, "Find out if Ben spoke to Lucas. I need to know everything he said to anyone before this happened."

"Yes sir, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry about Lucas." The dark skinned man replied lowering his voice.

"There's nothing to be sorry for yet. We still don't know what's happened." The captain turned towards his Lt. Commander Katherine Hitchcock, "I need you to get the HR probe out and get as close as you can to the plant. According to the head count from up words we're still missing 16 people."

"Including Lucas sir?"

"Yes, Including Lucas." Nathan continued pointing to a small opening on the screen. "Do you think you can get the probe in to that space?"

"What is that?"

"It's part of the ventilation system it supplies the air to the residential space and if I'm correct, I think there's a very good chance that there's an air pocket beyond that."

"You could be right." Katie's blue eyes darted back and forth with excitement as she studied the space. "But, I don't think the probe will fit. The space is too small someone would have to dive and at this depth sir, it's just too risky."

"I'll go." The voice of Benjamin Krieg came up from behind the pair, " Whatever it is, I'll do it."

"Ben," Katie shot her former husband a warning glare, " I know you care about Lucas but, there's no guarantee that he's even still–"

"And what if he is?" Ben countered, "I don't know about you but I don't think I could live with myself if I could of done something and didn't. Even if it's all for a lost cause at least I'll know I tried, that I did everything I could. We have that new deep submergent suit, let me use it. Let me try."

"Let him try, sir" Commander Jonathon Ford added, "the suit's safe. It's the least we can do for Lucas and for Krieg's sanity not to mention the rest of the crew sir, you can't expect us to sit on our hands and do nothing, not when it's one of our own still out there."

"Alright, but Jonathon you go with him." Captain Bridger relented, "You have more experience in the suits and I want this to be done with the utmost caution, I don't want to lose anymore of my people in there do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir."

Nathan sighed as he watched the two men rush quickly out of the clam doors as he let out a breath and turned back to the forward screen displaying the carnage that had been left behind by the large explosion.

"Come on kiddo, tell me where you are."

"Captain?" Tim O'neill spoke cautiously, "Admiral Noyce is on the line for you, sir."

"Put him through." Nathan quickly straightened his posture and composed himself as the familar face of his old friend appeared upon the screen.

"Nathan," Bill sighed realizing he was put through on the forward screen of the bridge." I should of asked for a private line."

"Why? Have they found Lucas?"

"No, but what we did find was, well, disturbing." Noyce sighed, "We hadn't found any flight plans in Dr. Wolenczak's name because he never made any. Nathan the explosion was a suicide."

"What?! How can you be sure?" The admiral's words seemed to take the air out of the room. The glances back and forth around the bridge between crew men displayed the shock of the news.

"Lawrence gave his secretary 3 envelops addressed to different people, they contained suicide notes apologizing and explaining why he felt this had to be done." Noyce paused trying to find the words to continue. "Nathan, I don't know how to say this but, according to the letters, he had already killed his family before the explosion." Noyce paused once more as he watched all color leave not only the face of his old friend but the majority of the crew behind him stood with tears welling up in their eyes." I'm sorry Nathan but there's more. One of the Notes... is addressed to you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: To Whom it May Concern**

Captain Bridger paced his dimly lit cabin as he waited for the email to come through. Admiral Noyce had suggest he just leave it alone and accept what had been done but, how could he? No, it wasn't possible. This.. This was something he had to see for himself. It's one thing to commit suicide, if the older man was honest with himself he had considered the option after the loss of his son but, tossed it aside after he realized what it would do to Carol. He would never want to hurt her not in that way. But this...the idea that a man, a father would not only choose to take his own life but that of his family, his son, that was just too inconceivable. His thoughts raced over the implications over the pain, over the suffering, over the fear. He should of said something, noticed something, anything. He should have been able to stop this. It was his job to protect the teen from terrorist, from kidnappers, from lunatics, from just about anything imaginable. But that was the problem wasn't it? This wasn't imaginable, it wasn't conceivable. You should have to protect some one from their own father. Tears pricked the captain's eyes as he heard the familiar ping signaling he had received his copy of the letter. He sat down and opened the file finding it surprisingly enough to be a photograph of a hand written note. A man like Dr. Wolenczak, with his love of technology didn't seem like the type to actually take paper and pen and write out such a note to make the end of his existence, the end of his son's existence but, here it was plan as day. With out even reading a single word Nathan felt the anger begin to rise in his chest. This shouldn't be. This can't really be happening, not again. He couldn't face the thought of losing another son.

"Captain Bridger,

As I write this letter I am aware of the great hurt I will have caused you by the time you receive it and for that I am very sorry. I tried to be a good father to him and I know this was one of the many areas in my life where in I have failed but, you must know it wasn't with out much effort on my part. I tried to be a good father, a good man, teach my son right from wrong, teach him not to do the things I have done but, I failed. My son did not turn out the way I planned. I could blame his mother for it but, I don't feel it appropriate to speak ill of the dead and I know he loved his mother very much. I just wish I could of said the same for myself. He has no respect for me, and my plans for his life. He's chosen to squander his amazing talents and gifts on dead end science. That has been one of the greatest embarrassments of my life. I don't expect you to understand my feelings, or why this must be done but try to put yourself in my position, I have failed at everything in life. My work has been a failure, my marriage has been a failure, and my son–"

Tears streamed down Nathan's face as he slammed the laptop closed unable to finish.

"I can't believe this is really happeneing."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Seeing for myself

Dr. Kristin Westphalen clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth as she quickly went over the items in her medical kit. She had already heard the news and like most of the crew, couldn't believe it. She had to see it for herself and this, quiet possibly, was the only way. Not that it was actually something she wanted to see, it was more of something she needed to see, needed to do. She had to feel like she had done something to help in this helpless situation. She let out a breath as she decided there was no need for anymore equipment. Even if there was an air pocket they had already been told they would be collecting bodies. The thought made a shiver run down her spine.. Bodies.. The UEO had let them know that all of the missing had been accounted for with the exception of Dr. Lawrence Wolenczak and his wife and son... his son.. The man didn't deserve a son let alone one as bright and remarkable as the one he received in life. The doctor glanced over to the other side of the room at the denim jacket with the UEO logo emblazoned on the back tossed over a stool next to a messy work station. She fought back the tears as she recalled their last conversation. The unsaid words weighed heavy on her heart. She suddenly found herself standing at the work space looking over the candy wrappers and jotted down notes that no one but the teen could read. It looked frozen in time. Like these belonging were just set down for a second and surely their own would return soon to finish with them. She didn't notice she was crying until she saw the tear that had fallen stain the denim a slightly darker blue. The clearing of someone's throat behind her caught her attention and she turned around to see Lt. Benjamin Krieg.

"We're .. we're ready when you are, doc?" the lieutenant smiled unable to hide the cracking in his voice, "Katie was able to confirm there is an air pocket and Commander Ford has already worked out a way for us to dock a shuttle. He.. Uh... he said he's found Dr. Wolenczak's body, it was uh.. Badly burned in the explosion but, well... at least he could tell it wasn't.. Uh...it wasn't Lucas. He um.. He's going to wait on us before he goes any further but he's already found the Doctor's apartment and can see Cynthia's body. He said it looks like she was poisoned." Ben looked down trying to avoid any eye contact. "He need's Tim to come along with us so that he can try and hack the lock so we can actually get inside the apartment."

"Thank you, lieutenant." Kristin forced a smile as she picked up her bag and headed out of the labs followed closely by Krieg.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Faith**

"How are you holding up?" Captain Nathan Bridger asked as he took a seat between Dr. Westphalen and Lt. JG. Tim O'neill.

"I'm not." Kristin gavea forced laugh, "I'm just holding on. There's a big difference."

"Don't I know it." the captain said placing a hand on her shoulder. "You know you don't have to do this. Any one of us can make the identification. It's not like there's anything you can do."

"And what if there is?" Kristin countered cautiously, "Nathan I know you want to protect me but, you heard from Commander Ford your self, it looks to be poisoning and he hasn't seen Lucas what if he isn't–"

"Kris," Nathan interrupted gently taking the petit woman's hands, "Don't do this to yourself, please. I don't want to believe it anymore than you do but, you can't change something that's already been done. Lucas is .. Well.."

"You don't have to say it. I certainly don't want to hear it."

"I don't think any of want to hear it.. Or see it for that matter." Lt. O'Neill added as he pushed up his glasses before adding apologetically "Sorry I don't mean to intrude but, well, it is a small shuttle."

"That's quiet alright, Tim." Kristin forced a smile, "I suppose no one here wants to hear it but, we all have to see it for ourselves. How are you handling all of this?"

"Better than most I think," Tim pursed his lips, "I'm one of the only members of the crew that actually believe in an after life. Generally speaking in my faith, death is beginning not the end. It's just a return home."

"Right so we should throw him a going away party or something?" Lt. Krieg's voice had a harsh tone as it came from the cockpit of the shuttle, "He was a kid. He didn't deserve this. Don't sit there and give me that he's in a better place crap. He's dead. How is that better?"

"Lieutenant," Captain Bridger intervened, "I don't think what Mr. O'neill meant was that any of this was good or better. He was just stating his faith helps him be more accepting of death. He's hardly trying to offend anyone."

"It's just sugar coated bullshit. When you die, you're dead that's all."

"It's not bullshit Ben, it's faith and it may not make sense to you and you may not find any comfort in it but damn it I do. Faith is what gets me through the crazy shit we see on a daily basis, people killing other people just for the sake of, or just because they can. It gets me through war and peace and give me some sense that there's a great power at work and that some how someway everything will be okay." Tim realized suddenly how his outburst had affected the group, all eyes were on the normally timid man. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Call it a weakness, call it a crutch, call it whatever you want but, it's what gets me through the things I don't understand, the things I couldn't even believe actually happened out in the world, the pain, the hurt, and the numb feeling life can give you when you've seen too much and just need to ignore it all. It may seem like bull shit to you but its what gets me through bull shit like this. I'm sorry about Lucas, Ben. I really am. He's just a kid and this isn't fair maybe that's why I want to think there's something more for him. I don't think I could cope with this just being the end."

And eerie silence fell on the shuttle until finally Dr. Westphalen broke the silence in the shuttle as she wiped away a tear having heard the hiss of the airlock being formed. "Alright then, if everyone's calm again, I think we have some work todo."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: First Glance**

"Got it," Lt. Jg Tim O'neill called back towards the group as the digital lock released and he was able to prop open the door to the small apartment. From the window the group had already been able to see a small glimpse of the horrific scene inside.

Captain Nathan Bridger was the first to step in to the small apartment. The living room was well lit but an eerie feeling blanketed the room. As he entered the room his foot made contact with something heavy just inside the door, the UEO issued duffle bag with the name Wolenczak printed in white lettering on the side was almost too much for the older man to even bear.

"He didn't even unpack." Dr. Westphalen said as she stepped around the older man taking note of what was impeding his progress. Taking a quick stock of the room Kristin noticed how much the space reminded her of the teen's work station, it seemed to be frozen in time. There was a small pile of dishes next to the sink on the counter and a glass of juice on the desk next to an opened news paper. The television in the living room was on actually playing a news report about the explosion. Nothing seemed out of place, nothing seemed wrong. At first glance, it felt as if she could simply walk in the door and call for the teenager to come out so they could bring him home but, that first glance was deceiving. Kristin paused as she made her way into the small kitchen. Laying on the floor was a body. Laying there, face down on the floor was the body of Cynthia Wolenczak. Her blonde hair reminded the doctor so much of her son. She couldn't help but note to herself Lucas must of looked like his mother. Kristin notice blood still pooling around the woman and instinctively took a pulse. She sighed realizing the body was still slightly warm but, found no signs of life.

Lt. Benjamin Krieg stood behind the group frozen at the head of the hall way off of the kitchen. It wasn't so much the scene going on before him that bothered him. He already knew exactly what they would find. It was what was going on just to his left. He let out a ragged breath trying his best to keep his composure as he listened to the familiar music coming from the slightly ajar door. He wanted to look, he need to look but, nothing in he tried could will his body to obey the command. He just stood there frozen, listening to the music.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Tomorrow**

Captain Nathan Bridger stared across the room at his Lt. Krieg. He had noticed the color leave the man's face and originally assumed the finding of a body had bothered the man but, that couldn't be it. They had seen far worse than this, they had been trained for this. As Bridger approached the younger man and caught the sound that was causing the reaction he had been witnessing. Nathan squeezed the man's shoulder sympathetically as he walked behind him towards the slightly ajar door. The older man took a deep breath trying to compose himself. As he placed his hand on the door knob he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He turned to see Ben trying his best to hold on to his composure, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Ben," Nathan lowered his voice, "You don't have to come in, you know that right?"

"I told him to stay." Ben's response drew a puzzled look from the captain. "He called me, told me his parents were fighting and that he wanted to leave. I told him everybody has their problems, That it couldn't be that bad... " His voice cracked as he continued, " I told him to stay, that I would pick him up tomorrow after the press conference. That I had plans with Ortiz but, we could maybe go to the beach or something tomorrow... I .. I didn't know, sir. I didn't know there wasn't going to be a tomorrow."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Training**

Kristin braced herself before entering the small bed room. The entire way over she had been talking herself she had been trained for this kind of thing. As much as she did love the boy, he wasn't her son. Lucas had only been apart of her life for 8 short months. Of course she would miss him but, this was in the realm of things she most certainly could handle. People die, it's what they do and in a sense that is what medical careers are based on. People getting injured sick or dying. Yes, She should be able to handle this easily. She was as prepared as any person could possibly every be. She gave Nathan a determined nod signaling she was going to go ahead before the lies she had just fed her self could fade. The captain was trying to convince Lt. Krieg that none of this was his fault. If she were honest with herself, she could sympathize with them man's grief as she had some of her own for so quickly dismissing what would be the last phone call she ever received from the young man. She let out a breath as if trying to let go of the thought as she pushed open the door. Just like the living room there was an eerie feel to the room. The television screen displayed some action hero movie that she was sure she had caught the teen watching before. As the credits began to roll on the screen Kristin quietly took stock of the room. It was neat and well kept for a room that obviously belonged to the teenager but, she supposed she could chalk that up to the lack of time he actually had ever spent there. The stereo seemed to have been hooked up to a lap top with a long play list of music visible on the screen. There were a few comic books on the bed along with an unopened candy bar and a can of soda. Everything looked just as it did in the living room eerily and eternally in it's place. She almost felt the slight urge to scold the young man about the junk food. She gave herself one last determined nod before turning her attention on the other end of the bed. Noticing once again another half empty glass of juice Kristin made a mental note to get a sample assuming that was where the poison had come from. She was slightly relieved to see the teen just looked as if he was sleeping. There was no blood and he didn't appear to have suffered, at least that's what she was going to tell herself. Just as she had done on many occasion when the young man had fallen asleep in the labs or in the middle of one project or another Kristin brushed aside the bangs from his face. She sighed realizing just like his mother the body was still warm. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Nathan looking down at her.

"Are you alright?"

Kristin sighed, she knew the captain meant well but, whether or not she was alright was the last thing she wanted to think about right now before she could regain her composure she let a tear roll down her cheek before giving the most honest answer she could muster, "There's no training that can prepare you for this."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Going home**

Captain Nathan Bridger sighed as he adjusted his dress uniform today was going to be a difficult day. It seemed like everything had just happened so fast. He still felt like he was walking through some kind of twisted dream. His mind wondered back to the scene of the motionless teen he had come to take as a son. He shook the image from his mind. He didn't want to remember Lucas that way. It was too difficult. He looked over the crowd gathered in the large church. Lt. Benjamin Krieg stood in the back of the church with his exwife, Lt. Commander Katherine Hitchcock almost in a daze. He had taken everything the hardest, at least visibly. Nathan had been fighting demons of his own accepting all the things that had been done to his crew... his family. He gave a quick nod to Lt. JG Tim O'neill as the man took a seat in the church next to Sensory Chief Miguel Ortiz and Commander Jonathon Ford. As he looked towards the front of the church he noticed Dr. Kristin Westphalen seated poised in the front row. He admired the woman's dedication and composure throughout this ordeal. He wasn't sure how any of them could of gotten through it with out her. He waved slightly too her as the music began she motioned for him to come and take his place in the front row next to her. He looked at his reflection is the glass partician in the back of the church and quickly dabbed at the tears streaming down his face. He hadn't even realized he was crying but, now wasn't the time for that. Right now he had to go and be strong, be strong for his crew, for Kristin, for himself, and for Lucas.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: The End is the Beginning**

Captain Nathan Bridger looked solemnly at the small group gathered in the cemetery. He was filled with a sudden since of pride as he realized his crew made up the majority of the crowed. He looked upon the tears of the normally staunch military officers and couldn't help but think about how they had all become a family. He fought back his own tears as he stood up and approached the black casket before him. He couldn't bring himself to look up at the picture towards the head of the coffin. The familiar smile of the blonde headed teenager sitting between his parents in the picture haunted him. He sighed as he placed a hand down on the casket and spoke.

"There was so much I should have said, kiddo."

"Like what?"

"Like, stay." Nathan Bridger sighed as he put an arm around the blonde teenager, "I should have told you to stay."

A/N: The great thing about writing Fanfiction is as the author you're in control of some one's fate, real or not you can always go back and write the perfect scene, the perfect speech, and get things exactly the way you want them. You can always have a happy ending. Unfortunately real life doesn't work this way. It hurts, it's cruel, and worst of all it's shorter than you think. You can't rewrite your life there's no back space button. Once a moment has passed you it's gone forever and there's no way to write a loop hole to bring someone back from the dead or to fix a mistake you've made. Cherish your life, and it's moments and remember once someone is gone it's forever life doesn't give second chances only people do.


End file.
